


Lost and Delirious

by BigG1999



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Big Bang Challenge, Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard Friendship, F/F, Lesbian Sex, Mental Breakdown, Outlaw Queen - Freeform, POV Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Peter Pan References, Red Riding Hood | Ruby & Emma Swan Friendship, Red Riding Hood | Ruby Ships Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Sex, Suicide, Swan Queen - Freeform, Swan Queen Big Bang 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:45:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigG1999/pseuds/BigG1999
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When shy and introspective Mary arrives as a new freshman student at an all-girls boarding school, she shares a dorm room with two seniors, Emma and Regina. In contrast to the timid Mary, they full of life. In an effort to break Mary out of her shell, Emma and Regina involve her in their activities, such as running in the morning and they grow closer. Mary observes the intimacy between her two roommates. At first, she thinks that they are practicing kissing in order to prepare themselves for kissing men, but she soon realizes the nature of their romance. Over time, Emma and Regina become more comfortable showing affection in front of Mary. It progresses from a quick kiss on the lips in front of her to the two sharing a bed and having sex while they think Mary is sleeping. At first, Mary is shy about sharing a room with the two lovers and feels like an intruder. After a few days, she finds their kissing and murmuring comforting and familiar. The year unfolds in an unforgettable way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the story nor the people in it. This story is mainly from Snow/Mary Margaret’s POV, her telling the story. Her comments are italicised. This story is based on the movie Lost and Delirious and contains major spoilers for it. There is some third person, as Mary could not have known everything that happened. References to three Shakespearean plays, Anthony and Cleopatra, Twelfth Night, and MacBeth.

I sat in the back seat of my father's car. I watched as the fields of nothing rolled by, driving me closer and closer to my new school. My father tried to catch my eye through the mirror, but I was in no mood for his pleading. Looking over at my stepmother I watched her apply lipstick, happy as can be.

_Even then I had a bad feeling. I felt like a grey mouse heading right for the mouth of a cat. There was nothing, nothing, I could do to about it._

I saw stepmother reach over and stroke the back of father's head, something my mother used to do. My mother died three years, and at this point in time I was starting to forget what she looked like. I held onto her small compact, for some reason I could always see her in that small thing. It was the makeup she used to wear all the time, I can still smell it on her.

We pulled up to the school, the boarding school, something that would never happen if my mother was still alive. I saw the other girls, in the same outfit I was wearing, running around. None of them stood out at that point in time, but that would all change soon enough.

The red jackets and red skirts, black boots with socks, red ties over a white shirt, all the same, were enough to make me forget about making friends.

I can still feel the fire in my gut, the anger I felt towards my father as he gave me a hug, leaving me there to fend for myself.

I walked slowly towards the large white gazebo where a lot of girls were talking.

"It does get easier, I promise," my new teacher, Miss Yang, said.

"I'm fine, really," I lied through my teeth, offering a small smile to her.

Her small smile told me she knew I was lying, but she didn't call me out on it.

"I want to introduce you to someone fantastic," she said, turning towards the gazebo she yelled "Regina!"

I watched as a girl turned, obviously hearing her name.

"Just a minute," she yelled back, handing her cup to another girl who was standing there before coming over to us.

* * *

I followed close behind Regina as we went up stairs. I can't remember what she was talking about, food or something of that sort. I stopped at the first floor, looking into the common room. A statue of a mother and a child sat there. It called to me, I wanted to go to it, but Regina's steps on the staircase drew me back into reality.

I was panting by the time we were halfway up the stairs.

"We can get away with anything up here, I mean anything," Regina laughed.

She looked at me, her dark brown eyes taking in my state, "wow you're so out of shape. You'll come jogging with us. You'll have a stroke before you're twenty," she giggles.

We finally made it to a landing, I dropped my bag.

"These are the bathrooms and the showers," she said, pointing into the room before going up more stairs.

I groaned, picking up my bag and following.

"What did you say your name was?" she questioned.

"Well most people just call me Snow," I whispered.

"Snow?"

"My dad's always called me that."

"Really? How come?"

I guess my look was enough of an answer.

"My father used to call me princess, made me barf," she laughed again.

"Better than Snow."

"Ta-Da!" she yelled out, opening the last door.

"Mine is the messy one, of course. I can't really help it. It's like getting back at my mother or something," she shrugged.

I took in the room. At one end with a window with a window seat, near it a bed. That bed was made, above it posters and some quote written in black on the bare wall. It is pushed into the corner, walls on two sides of it. The next bed in in the middle of the room, clothes spread out all over it.

"That's Emma's, this is mine and…" she walked over to the other side of the room.

There was a clean bed, a few clothes hanging from place to place, out to dry I assumed.

"Sorry, this is yours," Regina stated, taking the few clothes back to her bed.

I nodded, going to my new bed and opening my suitcase. I stopped when I felt her eyes on me. I looked at her, taking her in.

She had a darker complexion than most, she must been Spanish or something I settled on. Her lips were a red color, furthering my idea of Spanish. I finally settled on her eyes, they are a beautiful light shade of brown. They reminded me of the dirt in the spring, warm and inviting.

She sat, her legs wide open and her hands in her lap so she wouldn't show off anything. She gave me a huge smile. I offered a small one in return.

"Hey," she whispered, grabbing my attention.

"Look, I know it's weird at first, but now this is much more home to me than home. Like that lost boys in Peter Pan, expect we're the lost girls. Lost and delirious," she grined.

I offered nothing back.

She nodded, looking me up and down, "so when you're finished up here come party with us, 'kay?"

She didn't wait for an answer, she probably already knew I wasn't going to give one. I turned and put my clothes away, setting out a few object I brought from home. A stuffed toy and such, trying to make that place feel like home.

* * *

I walked down the stairs, to the first floor common room. This time I walked into the room, eyes on the statue once again. My hand moved on it's own, touching the woman's head and running down her face, then to the baby, tenderly touching. I smiled, sitting down on the small couch to take in it's beauty.

"Wanna smoke?"

I jumped, yelping in surprise at the blonde who just appeared from behind the chair opposite me. She grinned at me, taking a puff of her smoke.

"Did I scare ya?" she asked.

I didn't answer, sitting up to take her in.

Blonde hair, green eyes and a huge grin were all I got.

"You got new girl written all over you don't ca?" she questioned.

I just looked down.

"Like a fresh new lamb," she continued, "what are you thirteen? Fourteen? Some kind of brainiac, skip a few grades?"

The smirk never left her face as she come over to me, her smoke hanging out of her mouth and a radio in her hand. She set her radio on the ground, thrusting her hand out to me and taking her smoke out of her mouth with the other.

"I'm Emma," she let smoke out of her mouth, "Swan."

I took the hand, looking up, "Mary Margaret. Snow really, they call me."

I looked down to the ground, my new favorite spot.

She chuckled, sitting down, "I'd rather call you shithead than Snow."

She took a drag of her smoke, looking at me, "so you room with me and Regina huh?"

"Yeah, that's what Miss Yang said"

"Well I guess she didn't like us up there all by our lonesome," she grinned.

I looked at her, saw her smile leave.

"I've never been to a boarding school before," I admitted.

"Well," she punched my shoulder, "now you're one of the lost girls," she grinned, "welcome to the club."

I looked back at the floor.

"Come on," she took out a flask from her jacket, "help me spike the punch."

Her smile was so huge, her dimples even showing, I couldn't help but smile back.

"Let's kick this party off it's butt! Rage more," she got up, grabbing the radio and putting her smoke in a fancy bottle on the table.

"Rage more," I whispered, pulling up my skirt a bit and following her.

I followed Emma out to the gazebo. I saw Regina sitting there talking to a few of her friends. I watched as a few boys rode up to the gazebo, talking to Regina and her friends.

"Hey girls," the tallest one said, getting off his bike.

"Can we crash your tea party?" he questioned.

"Go away!" Regina laughed, "God my brother is so annoying!"

I was close enough to hear a girl next to her say, "but he's cute though!"

Regina was about to say something, but Emma announced her presence before she could.

"Hey boys can't you read the sign? No dickheads allowed!" she yelled, not even looking at them.

"Fuck she's special," one of the three said with a laugh.

I followed Emma to the mall table where punch was. She set her radio down, looking for teachers before she took the flask and poured it into the punch. She gave me a cup of it. I sniffed my cup and put it on the table, no way was I about to drink something that tastes like pee.

"Now I really want some tea!" one of the boys say.

"Can the dickheads have some tea please?" another yells.

The boys laughed. Emma downed her cup of punch, putting a tape into the radio and pushing play.

Music burst from the small radio, stopping everybody. I watched Emma grab Regina's hands, whispering something in her ear and pulling her to the middle of the gazebo.

"Are you ready to party?" she screamed.

She pulled Regina closer and the started dancing. Girls all over stopped what they were doing and started dancing. It wasn't long before a girl pulling me into a dance.

I was vaguely aware of the teachers rushing over to the gazebo and making the boys leave. They didn't make us turn off the music or anything.

"It would seem that Emma spiked the punch," Miss Yang says to the teacher next to her.

"Shall we pretend we don't know?" the other teacher questions.

"That wouldn't be very good teacher-ing now would it be? Miss Smith."

Miss Yang and Miss Smith lifted up the bowl, threw it to the side of the gazebo. I saw them start dancing to the side of me and the girl who pulled me into a dance.

_Before that day I never knew what people meant when they said they had fun. I was like some kind of Doctor Spock 'and what is this fun?'. I dunno, it was kinda like she put a spell on me and all my foreboding, that feeling I had, just, kinda vanished._

* * *

That night I sat on my bed looking at Emma and Regina. Emma was laying on Regina's bed smoking and Regina was sitting on the floor, using her bed as back support, facing me.

"New girl, what do you think of Yang?" Emma questioned.

"Don't call her new girl, that's so rude," Regina said.

"Miss Yang? She's nice," I said.

Emma chuckled.

"Some of the girls say rude things about her," Regina informed me.

"She and Smith got it going on for sure," Emma said, putting out her smoke.

"Emma give it a rest," Regina sighed, "she's just a single lady and they are good friends and that's it. Don't be so mean. Or homophobic."

"She seems nice to me," their stunned faces urged me on, "normal, I mean," I said.

Regina smiled, looking down at the magazine in her hands.

"I'm not saying she ain't nice new girl, I'm saying she's a lez-bo! And she's got the hots for Regina here," she grinned at Regina.

Regina chuckled, looking down.

"Who can blame her right?" Emma grabbed Regina's chin, "She's so beautiful."

They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, then Regina pulled away with a laugh. I watch as Emma grabbed a pillow and hit Regina in the head. Regina chuckled, closing her magazine and grabbing a pillow of her own.

I smiled to myself as I watched them have a small pillow fight, friends. I laughed at them as a pillow was thrown to me.

* * *

That night I woke up to an empty room. I had no idea where Regina or Emma were, and for some reason it didn't bother me that much. I took the new found time to look closer at the room. Regina had cleaned up a little bit, but there were still a few clothes here and there. There were a few posters above her bed of women, singers I guess. A shelf full of knick knacks and a stuffed cow I think.

I moved on to Emma's bed. Above her bed I took in the posters, all of the same women, somebody I have never seen before. The writing on the wall, put there by Emma I assume, is from a play I'd imagine.

_My bounty is as_

_boundless as the sea,_

_my love as deep;_

_the more I give to thee,_

_the more I have,_

_for both are infinite._

_I didn't know at the time, but that is Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet act II scene II, to be exact._

I didn't think to hard about it, moving on to the window. I sat down, looking out at the sky. Then, something caught my eye. I watched Emma and Regina. They were holding each other, kissing passionately.

_I wasn't sure of what I had just seen. I know this sounds, like, naive, but at first I thought they are practicing for boys. You see, where I was from nothing had changed since the fifties._

I went back to bed, trying for forget what I had just seen.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I was awoken due to a bunch of younger girls rushing into our room.

"It's morning time, you lazy sluts! Out of bed, or we kick your butts!" they chanted, one jumping on Regina's bed.

"Zelena get outa my face!" Regina said, pushing the younger girl away.

They girl just smiled, obviously showing off to her own friends.

"Mary this is my sister Zelena. She's a moron. Aren't cha Zelena?"

Zelena offered me a polite smile before ending a glare to her sister.

"And she has warts like all over her toes," Regina said, ignoring her sister's 'no', "It's really gross. Get your gross toes out of my bed!"

That time Zelena did get out of Regina's bed, giving me a huge grin.

"Don't listen to her Mary. My toes are perfect."

Emma groaned, sitting up.

"Get your fat sticking butts out of here!" she threw a pillow at Zelena.

Zelena caught it with ease, throwing it back into Emma's face. Emma was faster, using another pillow to block it.

"Out out out!" she yelled, getting up and chasing the girls out of our room.

I couldn't help my smile as I heard the girls running down the stairs. I looked over at Regina, her eyes on Emma and nothing else.

"Urg fucking grow up!" Emma said, throwing herself back into bed.

Regina groaned, wiping her eyes, "hey, I think it's apple pancakes today."

Emma laughed from her bed, "oh god."

* * *

Regina was correct, there were apple pancakes that day. I followed her and Emma around like a lost puppy, sitting with then in the huge room filled with tables.

We sat next to a few girls I had seen the past day.

"Mary, Belle," Emma stated as a way of introduction.

"Hi, how are you?" she questioned with a smile.

"Hi," I answered shyly, looking down at my plate.

"This looks so amazing. I could totally give my life for apple pancakes," Regina said, digging into her food.

"Don't you love apple pancakes Snow?" she questioned.

"Hey hey!" Emma yelled as Zelena and her friends sat down, "No bottom feeders. Out!"

"Out!"

"Get outa here!"

I watched as the older girls started chanting "OUT!" until they left the table, calling out a few choice words on their way.

After they left I was introduced to Ruby, Lily and Kathryn. They welcomed me into their group with open arms. It took a few minutes but soon enough I had opened up to them too.

* * *

"Now we want to define the…" Miss Smith went on, teaching the math lesson.

I wasn't really listening because I had learned how to solve for x in my past math classes, but I was writing it down in a notebook. I am really good at writing without listening.

Emma sat next to me, peeling an orange to eat. How she was still eating I had no idea. Regina on the other hand was turned around and talking with Kathryn about something. Sadly, Miss Smith saw her talking and not paying attention.

"Regina, help me!" Miss Smith ordered.

"You want me to do the problem?" Regina questioned, her face going white.

"Yes, I want you to do the problem."

"Okay," Regina took a deep breath, going up to the front of the class.

Regina took the chalk from Miss Smith, standing next to the chalkboard. Scratching her head she stared at the problem.

"What seems to be the problem Regina?" Miss Smith questioned after a few seconds.

"I don't get it," Regina said.

"You don't get it?"

"No."

"What is it exactly you don't get?" Miss Smith probed.

"X, like, what is X? What is an X? Why do we…" Regina trailed off as she heard members of the class laughing at her.

"You don't get what X is?" she questioned.

Regina just looked at the ground, something I hadn't seen her do before.

"Maybe if you spent less time gabbing and a little more time listening you would" Miss Smith said.

"Gabbing? I consider that would a punch in the face Miss Smith," Emma said, turning all eyes to her, and off of Regina.

"I beg your pardon Emma?"

"It's a word males use to shoot us down. To trivialize our talking to each other. You wanna be a part of that **shit** , huh?"

"Emma Swan you will **not** use that kind of language in my classroom."

Emma stood up, walking to the front of the class.

"Do you hear me Emma? Do you hear me?"

I watched Regina's face, dumbfounded as Emma walked up to her.

"I've had it up to here! Up to my eyeballs with your disrespect."

Emma gently touched Regina's shoulder, taking the chalk away from her and wrote on board.

"What do you think you're doing?" Miss Smith questioned

"I'm teaching Miss Smith, what you should've been doing," Emma spit at her.

"Emma," Regina whispers something to her.

"Out of my classroom. You will go to Miss Yang and explain why you are not in my class and suffer the consequences." Miss Smith ordered, pointing out the door.

Emma looked at Miss Smith, her face blank.

"Do you hear me?"

"Am I not clear?"

The room was filled with tension. Emma's face spread into a huge smile.

"You have a nice day now, Rosanne," she said, giving Miss Smith a wink and licking her top lip before walking out.

Regina looked at the floor, keeping in her laugh. Miss Smith turned on her heel, looking at our class.

* * *

"So what's your next class?" Ruby questioned.

"Reading," I said.

"Oh that's up ahead and to the right. Do you think you can find it on your own?"

"Oh yeah, thanks."

"Okay bye."

I give the brunette a small smile, her rushing off to do whatever.

"That's it! You know you don't owe her anything! Regina can speak for herself!" I heard Miss Yang yell through her office doors.

"She wasn't saying anything!" Emma yelled back.

I watched through the huge window at their fight.

"She was saying exactly what she wanted to say Emma!"

I felt it was wrong to spy on my friend, so I walked out as fast as I could.

* * *

Emma was then put into fencing to blow off some steam and get her into a better head space. She got really into it, getting really good. It was like a dance to her, something she was good at.

* * *

That night I sat on Regina's bed with Regina, writing letters to our parents.

"Who wants to hear the letter to my blood mother?" Emma asked from her bed.

"You wrote it?" Regina questioned.

Emma nodded, a shy smile on her face.

"Did they give you her address?" Regina asked as Emma shifted on her bed, pulling out a letter.

"No, but they said they'd send it on for me. And if she's into it, we could have like, a meeting."

"Oh wow!" Regina laughed, her eyes bright.

I looked at the floor.

"I know, that's be so fucking…" she shook her head in excitement, forgetting about her sentence.

She looked down at the letter, reading it to us.

"Dear my real mother, don't be scared. It's totally okay that you gave me up, you were only a kid I totally understand. Don't be scared of me. I'm not scary."

She paused, looking up to Regina. I guess she saw what she needed to because she continued reading.

"I know you had a hard life, and I've had a pretty good one. Comfortable, you know, if a little chilly. Well I imagine you living in some basement and selling your ass for a living and I just thought that maybe sometime we could meet up and grab a beer or something. Your loving daughter, Emma. P.S. Janet, my fake mother, she smiles without her eyes and her hands are cold."

Emma closed the letter and put it back in its place then looked up at Regina.

"I really hope she answers Em," Regina whispered.

"When she's old, I'm going to carry her around on my back."

My heart hurt for this girl.

"You never even met her?" I questioned.

She looked stunned, biting her bottom lip before she answered.

"Children's aid took me away from her in the hospital. She held me for one whole day," she smiled to herself, "every 's what they told me."

_Later I would come to know that Emma's mother was only fifteen when she had Emma. Not only that, she was selling her body for money already. Children's aid told her mother they were both going to be put in the system, hopefully together. That night, after holding Emma for a whole day, Emma's mother took off, leaving Emma there alone. Emma never told anybody that part, I think she wanted to forget it herself._

"I never write to my mother," Regina said, looking at the ground, "we always like talk on the phone."

"Maybe that's why you never say what you mean," Emma shrugged.

"I **can't** say what I mean Em. I mean, how could I ever really say to her what I mean. Even in a letter. I'm like, 'Dear Mommy, I hate you. For multiple reasons. The most recent being you talking to all your nasty friends about how much it cost to fix my teeth. You want me to be like, your perfect junior league girl and grow up to do charity balls and be the concubine of some banker, like you. But the truth of it is... I'm like addicted to you. Like chocolate. I'm like, I just always want to be around you. I'm like some stupid little puppy and you just keep on kicking my teeth in with your words, no your tone, and sometimes… Sometimes I wish you were dead."

She stared at the ground, her voice sounding close to tears.

"Rage more Regina," Emma grinned.

"Oh shut up!" Regina laughed, rushing over to her, playfully grabbing her around the waist.

Emma laughed, drumming on the outside of Regina's thigh.

"My stepmother is always talking about me when I'm there. I hate it. I hate her. I think she's jealous of my closeness with my dad."

"Regina's mom is insanely jealous of her," Emma stated, pointing her thumb at Regina.

Regina laughed, staring at the side of Emma's face, "What?"

"Creeps me the fuck out," Emma chuckled.

"Why would she be jealous of me?" Regina finally questioned.

"Duh!"

"What?"

Instead of giving a real answer, Emma leaned in and kissed Regina. I looked away, I don't know why but I did.

"Mary you didn't do your letter yet," Regina stated, looking at me.

"Oh." I mumbled, "She died three years ago."

I was doing my best to keep the tears from showing up, but I could hear them in my voice.

"I-I'm sorry," Regina said.

"No, it's okay," I lied, looking down to hide my face.

"I just don't see the point of writing her a letter," I shrugged.

"Maybe she could hear you, you know?" Emma said.

I nodded.

"If I did write her a letter,"

"Go for it!" Emma urged me on.

"Dear Mother. Remember you asked me, when you were sick, well dying, it was fall. October. Still hot that year, your room smelled like sweet rotten apples. I was holding your head in my arms, and your breathing was so fast and like shallow, you said 'Mary please, remember me'. And the thing is, sometimes I do. I do forget what you look like," I bit my bottom lip, tears running down my face.

"Brave." Emma stated.

"Do you really not remember what she looked like?" Regina questioned.

I smiled weakly, "sometimes."

"God that is so incredibly sad."

"Brave." Emma repeated, "That's your new name. Mary B. B for brave."

She grabbed a pillow, throwing it at me.

"Snow is dead," she laughed.

"We're glad you're our new roommate Mary. Aren't we Emma?"

"Duh!" she rolled her eyes, "Are you glad to be our new roommate Mary Brave? Come on truth be honest."


	3. Chapter 3

The next time I saw anything odd happened between them was doing choir practice. We were all singing, I was to the left of Emma and Regina was in front of Emma. I watched Regina's hand come up her back, her palm out and waiting for something. Then Emma's hand came out, grasping it. I watched in awe as Emma lightly stroked Regina's knuckles. I thought it was odd, but looking at their faces I could tell the small thing made them happy, so I decided not to question it.

* * *

That day I finally saw him. The gardener. I rushed out to meet him with a smile on my face.

"Hi!" I started off great, drawing his attention to me, "I was wondering if… I uh… You…"

"You like to garden?" He questioned, helping me out of my drowning.

"Yeah," I shook my head, remembering he is an adult and must have other things to do. "Yes. I used to garden everyday until winter with my mother, before she passed away. A few years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said, not pausing from his work but looking at me every couple of seconds.

"So I was wondering if you could use any help? Or if you'd rather not that's totally fine too."

He chuckled, "No that's okay. It'd be nice. That's the first time in 20 years that one of the girls offered. It's like a sign coming, you know, like a dawning of a new age. I'll run it past Cristina, I mean, Miss Yang. I'm sure it'll be alright. Get yourself some gloves."

"Thanks!" I smiled, walking away.

"Hey, what's your name?" he questioned.

"It's," I paused, "Well it's in transition."

"In transition huh? I like that. How do you spell that? Is if with a ph or an f?" he chuckled to himself, it got a smile out of me.

"You're a bit of a thinker aren't you?"

I shrugged, "I dunno."

"Well you are." he stated, "So I'll be expecting you, uh, 'in transition', oh and get yourself some gloves."

I smiled to myself, walking away.

* * *

Regina and Emma sat in the gazebo, Regina against a railing and Emma laying on the bench and using Regina's front as a backrest. Emma's hand lightly stroking Regina's knee.

"So?" Emma questions, taking her smoke back from Regina.

Regina sighs, burying her face into Emma's blonde hair.

"She's been planning this trip for ages. I can't just call her up and be like, 'sorry mom, trips off. Going tree planting at West with Emma.'"

Emma nods, taking a long drag of her smoke.

"Regina," she whispers, looking down.

"You know what I wanna do Ems, I just can't. She's been acting really psycho lately," Regina whispers, her face still in Emma's hair.

"I have to spend time with her and whatever. Besides, and and you will be together again in the fall. We will be so together," she says, leaning down and giving Emma a huge smile.

Emma smiles back, offering her smoke. Regina takes it, taking a hit.

"I'm going to plant three thousand trees a day and win you a golden shovel," Emma states.

They both burst out laughing.

* * *

Regina tails her hand over Emma's sternum, nipping at her sides as her hand goes lower. Emma's breathy moans fill her ears as her tongue dips into her belly button, then it trails lower.

When she comes Emma's body clenches, causing her to sit up. Regina smiles, pulling the girl closer and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Emma looks up into dark chocolate orbs before leaning forward even more, kissing her way down Regina's stomach. Regina smiles, pulling Emma up and their lips meeting as she pushes Emma down again. Emma flips them, giving Regina a small smile before kissing her way down her body, neither concerned with the girl sleeping four feet to their left.

* * *

I woke up to my alarm, turning it off I looked at the girls. I stopped when I found them both in Regina's bed. And both obviously naked. They both looked at me, panic in Regina's face and surprise in Emma's.

"Oh umm," Emma groaned, thinking of a lie, "Regina, she gets nightmares."

The chuckle that left her lips after that proved to me it was a lie. I decided to ignore their nakedness like I did their hand holding. It made them happier, so who was I to judge?

* * *

We were running already.

"Shall we go easy today for Mary Brave?" Emma questioned, leading Regina and me.

"You're going to love it in here, it's so cool," Regina said as we ran over a bridge.

After about ten minutes I was panting. Regina had been correct that first day, I was not in shape to say the least.

"You're doing really good for your first time out. Wouldn't you say Emma?" Regina questioned.

"Not bad," Emma yelled, a good five feet ahead of us.

"I'd say we're doing like seven and a half minute miles or so."

"No way 'Gina! We're like nine at the fastest. We're dragging our butts!"

A bird cry stopped Emma short, her hands going out to stop us both, but I noticed that she stepped back until she has Regina in her arm.

"Oh shit," she said, looking at the bird.

"Oh my god," Regina said, eyes wide at the animal.

"Don't touch it if you don't want to get bit," Emma said.

"I wasn't going to touch it," Regina argued.

"Just leave it to me okay?" Emma said, walking towards it.

"I'll take care of it, you go on," Emma ordered.

"Come on, when she gets something in her head," Regina rolled her eyes, leading me down the path.

We jogged for a few more minutes before a couple of boys ran into the path ahead of us, the same boys from my first day here.

"Hey!"

"Hey there."

"Hi," Regina offered a dazzling smile, coming to a stop to talk to them.

"Wondering if you sexy ladies would like to smoke a splint with us?" the middle one questioned with a charming smile.

"Thanks but we're in training," Regina lied, shaking her head no.

"Hey aren't you Jefferson's sister?" the tallest one questioned with a grin.

"Yeah, I'm Regina," she said, offering her hand for a shake.

He took it with a grin, "And this is Mary."

"Nice to meet you," he said, politely shaking my hand, but his eyes were only on Regina.

Middle's eyes were on me, but I ignored him. I was not anywhere near wanting a boyfriend.

"I'm Robin. This is David," he pointed to middle boy, "and this is Peter," he points at the last boy.

We stood there for a second.

"Anyways, better get going," Regina said, turning to leave.

"Hey Regina, isn't Jefferson's eighteenth coming up? Down at Mad Hatter's?" Robin questioned.

"It is," Regina nodded.

"Sounds like a good time. You gunna be there?"

"Uh," Regina gave me the 'help me' look, "maybe."

"Anyways, we gotta go," I said, running off.

"Well I hope to see you there!" Robin called after us.

"Hope to see you there," I heard his friends laugh as they took off running too.

"I think he likes you," I laughed as we came to a clearing a little while later.

"Who?"

"You know who," I chuckled.

"He liked my tits. They all like my tits."

I laughed, "so are you going to go?"

"Go where?"

"To your brother's birthday party, duh."

"What and have all those gross guys groping me? No thanks. I'd rather stay home and do math."

I laughed.

"I wonder where Emma is with that bird," she questioned before yelling out "Emma!"

We didn't get an answer.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey hey," Emma whispers to the bird, slowly reaching out and petting it's head.

"It's okay buddy," she mumbles.

Emma gently coaches to bird off the path and to the side before running to the library and getting a book on them. She reads as fast as she can, learning about the bird, a raptor to be exact. She then rushes up to her room, finding the biggest box she can and a sleeping bag. She wraps the bag around the box, making it dark on the inside.

"Oh my god, is that for that bird?" Regina questions as she comes in from her shower.

"If they can see too much they get freaked out and go psycho," Emma states, messing with the strings.

Regina goes to the small sink in their room, drying her hair a bit.

"Do you think it's going to be able to fly again?" she questions.

"Don't worry, I'm going to take care of it. This is going to way, way cool!" Emma laughs to herself.

Regina smiles, watching Emma in the mirror. She turns, walking towards the blonde.

"Come here," Regina orders, grabbing Emma's bicep and pulling her into a kiss.

Regina's hand cups Emma's face, both drowning in the kiss.

"I'd be so totally lost without you Ems," Regina whispers, stroking the side of her face.

With a shy glance into each other's eyes Emma closes the distance between them again, both falling deeper into it.

* * *

Emma whispers to the bird, putting it into the box. It squeaks, jumping back out.

"Here," Emma mumbles, giving it a dead mouse before putting it back it.

This time it stays in the box and Emma pulls the string, making the sleeping bag close around it. Then she pulls another string, lifting the box high into the air.

* * *

"My mother, she really liked to get her hands dirty," I stated, patting dirt around a flower, "I'm always afraid of like, worm eggs."

"Worm eggs? To worms lay eggs?" Joe questioned.

"I think so. Or no. I don't know."

We both chuckled.

"I don't think they lay eggs, I think they just kinda ooze up out of the Earth. You're mother, she sounds pretty interesting. I like a woman who doesn't mind getting her hands dirty," he handed me another flower.

"Yeah. She would say 'hey don't worry. It's a clean dirty'," he chuckled, "she was funny."

He offered me a smile as I pulled out a weed.

"Each year at spring time she would wake me up in the morning and she would whisper in my ear 'the first crocus is here' and we'd go stand outside in our nightgowns and bare feet."

"And uh, get your feet dirty together?" Joe questioned.

I laughed, looking at the ground.

* * *

There were many nights that us three stayed up late, singing our hearts out to Add It Up by Violent Femmes, the one song Emma had a tape for. We would rearrange the room and dance until we fell asleep. I always woke up just in time to watch Emma put out her smoke, which she would be smoking next to the window, grab her bag and leave the room. No doubt she was sneaking out to feed that bird of hers.

* * *

Emma had done much more than just feed the bird and put it in a man made nest. Within a few weeks the bird was jumping from Emma's spot in a tree to catch the mice Emma would release still alive.

* * *

I was awake one night when she came back in, taking off her pants and her top, leaving her nude except for her boy shorts and crawling into bed with Regina.

I watched her snuggle into Regina's side as Regina groaned.

"Regina I love you," Emma whispered in her ear.

That caused Regina to smile, turning and kissing the blonde.

_I don't know if they didn't know I was awake or just pretended they didn't know. Soon enough their sounds, their moans, just sorta, I dunno. They became normal. It was okay. It was just a part of how things were. It was like home._


	5. Chapter 5

That was the same morning Zelena and her friends thought it would be fun to come in. They rushed in, chanting their little song, but stopped short when they saw Emma nude in Regina's bed.

"Holy fuck."

"Oh god."

"That is so gross!"

Zelena stood there, stunned and eyes wide.

"Look, your sister. She has these nightmares," Emma starts.

"Uh huh," Zelena mumbled.

"She's like screaming in her sleep," Emma continued.

Zelena looked at me, then back at Regina. Their eyes connected.

"Mary, please?" Emma questioned, looking at me.

I nodded, getting up and pushing Zelena out of our room.

"It's not what you think, I promise," I mumbled to the stunned girl.

"Get out."

Emma groaned.

"Get out of my bed."

"Relax, she'll get over it," Emma pleaded

"You don't know Zelena. She'll go straight to our parents," Regina said, I can still hear the fear in her voice.

"So? Fuck it! It's the twenty first century right?"

The disbelief and fear on Regina's face still haunts me to this day.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head.

"You just, you don't understand. You just don't," Regina said, putting her head in her hands.

Emma sighed, laying back on Regina's bed in defeat.

* * *

"I swear to God Zelena, she just crawled into my bed. I didn't even know she was there," Regina states

"She just crawled into your bed?" Zelena questions quietly.

Regina sighs, "I think she has a crush on me or something. I've told her I'm not like that."

"Regina that's disgusting. Why don't you tell somebody? Tell Yang. Have her kicked out."

"I feel bad for her, being an orphan and all," Regina hugs her stomach.

"Regina you are too nice."

"So you'll tell your friends right? You tell them the truth, that I'm not like that."

"Of course, I can't believe I ever thought you were."

"And mom and dad? You're not going to tell them anything right?" she prods.

"No 'Gin'. But, are you sure you're not-"

"Zelena! I love boys! I'm boy crazy if anything! In fact there's this guy, Robin, we're going to Jefferson's party together."

"Zelena come on!" a girl calls.

"It's alright 'Gina. I'll straighten everything out."

Regina smiles at her younger sister, walking away. She can't help the tears that fall from her face. Her hand coming up to stop her sobs from alerting anybody of her internal trauma.

* * *

I sighed as I checked my mailbox, finding nothing once again.

* * *

I walked behind Regina, coming into the dining room. Emma lifted her hand in a wave to us, a huge smile on her face.

"Regina," Belle said from a table to our left.

Without even a second glance to Emma, Regina sat down at the table. I raised an eyebrow, but I sat down at the table to my right, with Emma.

I didn't mean to listen to the conversation at Regina's table, but I did.

"So… How are you?" Ruby questioned.

"Look first of all whatever they are saying is trash talk. Stupid. I know you guys won't listen to it," Regina stated with much more force than somebody telling the truth would.

"Yeah of course," Ruby laughed, "but even if it wasn't I'd still be like 'so?' Grow up."

"But it's not true," Regina growled.

"Like my aunt is gay, get over it."

"Yeah but I'm **not**! Totally so…"

"No, I know," Ruby whispered.

Belle caught my eye, but I wasn't about to have that conversation, even only with looks yet.

"She's upset. Give her time," I said to Emma, hoping I was lying to her.

"This is a dark day," she mumbles, taking a bite of her apple.

* * *

"'Darkling stand! The varying shore o' the world. O Antony, Antony, Antony!'" Miss Yang quoted, "Huh?" she scoffs at us, at our lack of emotion for the play.

"Her beloved is dying! You see? And so she calls upon the sun to burn the whole sphere, the world. Her feeling is, how can nothing in nature change when such an extraordinary shattering-"

"Listen to this!" Emma yelled out, cutting Miss Yang off, "Later on she goes 'Shall I abide In this dull world, which in thy absence is No better than a sty?' Sty, I like that."

I saw how Regina looked away from Emma, wanting to act like it isn't about her.

Miss Yang smiled at Emma, encouraging her.

"And a bit later she says 'The crown o' the earth doth melt.' and 'there is nothing left remarkable Beneath the visiting moon' I think I know that."

Miss Yang nodded, "Yes oh yes. We all do in time. You see what this is all about is," she paused, picking up some chalk and writing on the board, "this is all about love."

"Mad, passionate love! That crosses all boundaries," she smiled, almost sadly, "and that is why we still relate to it today. Well uh, who among us has not felt passion?"

I was listening intently to Miss Yang, but I could still see Emma out of the corner of my eye. She was taking it all in too, but her eyes were only on Regina. Even from the side of her I could see the emotion, the pain and the love in her jade eyes. On the other hand, Regina was looking intently at the corner of the room away from Emma.

"Now there are some that would agree that love is outmoded, tired, an uh, social construct if you will."

She sat on the edge of a desk, "What do you girls think?" she questioned.

"Lily?"

"When my father left my mother for his girlfriend he said it was love, but it was obvious to everybody it was, well, sex. I think love is sex," Lily said, not even blushing when she stated it, as if it was fact.

Miss Yang sighed at the answer.

"I think it's…" another girl started, who's name I no longer recall, "like, project. Like a mirage in the desert. You see what you want to see in the person, ya know?"

Miss Yang nodded, enjoying the input from somebody she didn't have to call on.

"No no," Belle stated, "it's a chemical high induced by your body so that you'll want to make babies."

Miss Yang and a few other girls chuckled at that, knowing her to take things down to a scientific answer. Their laugh was cut short by Emma yelling.

"Liar! Liar, Liar, Liar!" she screamed, standing up, "You've all got your heads up your assholes because _love is_. _It just is_ and nothing you can say can make it go away because it is the point of why we are here, it is the highest point and once you are up there, looking down on everyone else," she looked over to Regina, "you're there forever. Because if you move, right, _you fall_. _You fall_."

Emma sat down, not saying another word but her gaze on Regina and nothing else. Regina was of course looking at the other end of the room.

"Yes Emma. I think you may be right," Miss Yang stated with a sad smile.

* * *

Later that night Regina and I were in the library, studying like normal while Emma took her fencing classes.

"Listen Mary," Regina whispered, drawing me out of algebra.

"I have to talk to you about Emma. I know the whole thing must be really weird for you and I'm sorry about that, but like, you are the only person who I can really," her voice broke, causing her to pause.

I bit my lip, turning towards her.

"Look you don't know my parents 'kay? They are super super straight and religious and they would literally **never** speak to me again. And I, I need them to be a part of my life."

I saw her bottom lip tremble, holding back her emotions.

"I couldn't deal with losing them," I could see tears in her eyes and hear the tremble in her voice.

She got even quieter, "I mean, _I love Emma_. You know that _I do_. She's my best friend in the world and probably the I will ever love like in the way that Cleopatra loved…" she took a deep breath, knowing her tears were about to fall.

"And to _hurt_ her…"

She bit her lip, looking deep into my eyes.

"It feels like I'm choking you know? Like I'm not in the breathing world."

I couldn't watch her, so I looked away.

"There's this life that I'm supposed to live, okay like this dream, that my mother and father have for me and even though it is killing me," I looked back and saw tears running down her face.

"Even though it is _killing_ me Mary," she looked deep into me, tears tracks down her cheeks, pleading with me.

"I will never be the same loving goofy Regina with her ever again. I **cannot** be with her ever. **Ever ever** again."

I watched her swallow her emotions, her voice returning to normal.

"And the thing is Mary it all depends on you now. I mean, Emma is going to take this very hard. Okay, she's really sensitive. And… She's really going to need a loyal friend. She's going to need you more than anybody's ever needed you Mary."

She stared deep into my soul, challenging me, "Do you think you can handle it?"

I couldn't answer. Not with those huge brown eyes looking at me. I couldn't speak a single word, so I bit my lip and went back to my algebra.


	6. Chapter 6

"What you putting that shit on for?" Emma questioned Regina who was putting on makeup.

"Because."

I dried my hair a little more.

"Because why?" Emma probed.

"Because I'm going out," Regina stated.

"Oh? Where you going?" Emma questioned, trying to sound casual, but her vice was too high and it gave her away.

"Just out with a friend."

"What friend?"

"Just a of mine okay?" Regina growled.

"I'm just interested to know that's all," Emma said, her tone would've made me think she was holding up her hands in surrender.

"Yeah well should friends respect each other's privacy."

"Friends," Emma all but sighed.

"Yeah, _friends_ ," I could hear an eye roll in her tone, "we're all friends here right Mary B?"

I smiled, nodding from my place at the sink, running a brush through my hair.

"We aren't just friends Regina," Emma said.

"I'm sorry Emma."

Regina leaves the room, her tone not sorry at all. I put the brush down and walked over to Emma's bed, sitting next to her. I had no idea what I was doing.

"Are you okay?" I questioned, watching her face.

"In her eyes that brightness eh? It's just like my fake mother. That brightness when she lies," she sighed, shaking her head slightly.

* * *

Mary lays asleep in the dark room while Emma sits on her bed, looking at the empty one. Emma takes a long drag off her smoke before putting it out and grabbing her bag, leaving Mary alone.

Emma goes to her falcon, taking it out of the nest she built it. She gives it a mouse.

"I'll make you grow up big and strong so you'll fly away from here," she whispered, "You can fly far away."

Emma watches the falcon tear a mouse to shreds, "You will fly away from here. Forever."

"Yeah, you'll fly far away from here," she smiles, putting him back into the nest.

About fifty feet away Regina walks hand in hand with Robin, laughing together as they have a good time.

* * *

I woke up to a dark room, an empty dark room. Thoughts of Emma doing something stupid ran through my mind as I pulled on my jacket and rushed out to the forest. I walked the path, hoping I would find Emma sooner or later. Noise made me stop before the clearing, my eyes wide as I took in the scene. Regina and that boy, Robin were making out against a tree. I watched as Regina unzipped him and her skirt hit the ground. She held onto him for dear life.

_Until that night I had never… Never had any feeling down there at all. I was a kinda wooden doll without blood in my body. But that night, that night I started to feel the blood moving._

A bird calling out drew my attention away from the couple, my eyes landed on Emma running to the school. She must had seen what was happening too. I ran after her, all the way up to our room. She didn't say anything, so neither did I as we crawled back into our beds with new information on our roommate.

* * *

Later that night I heard the door open, must be Regina coming in I thought to myself.

"Have a good time?" Emma voice questioned.

"That's none of your business Emma," Regina sighed and I heard her skirt hit the floor.

"You lied to me," Emma whispered.

A pause.

"I said I was going out with a friend and I did," Regina growled.

"Do you always **fuck** your friends up against trees?" she spat.

Another pause.

"My life is none of your business Emma. You had no right to spy on me," I could hear the quiver in her voice.

"Regina everything you do is my business. You are my business and I am yours," Emma growled herself, her voice so low I wouldn't have recognized it.

"If I ever catch you spying on me again-"

"You'll what?" Emma challenged before Regina could finish her threat.

"Just don't," Regina spat.

"Are you going to see him again?" Emma questioned, her voice so small.

I didn't mean to, but I opened my eyes and watched them. Emma was laying on her stomach on her bed, and Regina sat next to her, running a hand soothingly over Emma's back.

"Listen, Emma. It's time we grew out of it. It's just not right anymore, I just wanna be friends, okay?" Regina ran her hand back and forth over the blonde's back.

"This isn't happening. Regina, baby please," Emma almost sobbed.

Emma quickly got up, moving behind Regina and wrapping her arms around her, pulling her close. It broke my heart, Emma was trying to pull her in, keep her safe.

"Emma please," Regina pushed away Emma's limbs, standing up.

Emma caught her forearm, "is this about Zelena? Your parents? What? Please."

Regina shook her arm free, going to her own bed.

" _Don't do this to me_ ," Emma whispered.

* * *

Emma sits on the window seat, looking out at the ground. Her thoughts run on and run. Tears run down her face, seemingly never ending. A sob escapes and her hand comes up to cover it, but she can't stop.

Dark brown eyes open, glancing at her old lover, before they fill with tears themselves, only the brown eyed girl doesn't make a sound.

"Regina," Emma sobs, her hands covering her hand as she sobs.

Mary opens her eyes, they take in the sobbing blonde at the window, but they also see the tears running down the brunette's face.

* * *

Emma and I walked down the hallway together, going to check our mailboxes. I opened mine and heard the slam of Emma's. She walked out, most likely to go fence or see her bird. I took out my first package of the year, grinning as dirt spilled into my hand, a few seeds in it.

I looked up to see the same stunned look Zelena had when she walked in on her sister.

"What is that Mary?" she questioned.

"Oh, just some seeds. You know, for the garden out there," I said.

"Seeds," she nodded, "that's better than what my mother gets me. She has horrible taste."

I rolled my eyes, putting the small amount of dirt in my hand back into the bag.

"I hope you don't think I'm like butting in but, I thought you should know that people are saying like not nice things about you."

"Things?" I spat, not liking what she was saying one bit.

"Well you know, since you hanging with Emma. I guess they think that you must be like her. I mean everybody know that she practically raped my sister. Regina said that she crawled into bed naked with her," he voice oozed of disgust.

Some little thing inside of me broke, my timid nature was forgotten about for a second as words slipt out of my mouth.

"Well Emma's my friend. So I guess it doesn't really matter what other people think," I spat, slamming my mailbox closed and walking away.

* * *

I went right to my next best friend, Joe.

"Hey," he grinned, putting some dirt on the flower's roots.

"How much does it matter what other people think of you?" I questioned.

He stopped, looking at me, "I guess it depends on how much they're paying ya," he continued his work.

"How much they paying ya?" he asked after a few sounds of silence.

I smiled weakly at his joke, pulling out my mail.

"My father sent me some seeds. I was wondering if maybe I could plant them somewhere?"

"Well the dirt's usually a good spot," he chuckled.

I chuckled myself at his quickness.

"Let's see what you have here," he said, as he took off his glove.

He spilt a bit of the dirt and seeds into his hand.

"Eww!" he joked, "Worm eggs!"

I laughed at him.

* * *

"Robin's hands are so amazing. He know exactly where to touch me," Regina gloated.

"Teenage boys are so clumsy," Lily said.

"No! He's so perfect you wouldn't believe it. He's like, like a sculpture."

"Killian, well Killian's no sculpture, maybe more like a plumber."

The girls on the bench laughed at the girl's whose name I don't care to remember joke.

I rolled my eyes, using Emma's shoulder to held pop my back.

"Mike finishes as soon as he's inside, like a second."

"That's what you get for dating a sixteen year old," Ruby laughed.

Emma used my shoulder to pop her back.

"Robin, oh man. Robin can go all night. He'd a total man," Regina gloated.

I bit my bottom lip, watching Emma's face pucker up in disgust.

The whistle sounded, making up get up and play the game. I watched from my position on the field as Emma left hers, taking the ball all the way down field, pushing a girl a little harder than necessary, only to give the ball up and run back to our side.


	7. Chapter 7

Emma grips the dead mouse tightly in her gloved hand, offering it to the falcon. The falcon sees the food, pulling the mouse apart to get some from the closed fist.

"You wouldn't take it lying down, would you? If some girl bird broke up with you. You wouldn't just lie there and squawk. You'd fly up to the highest branch and swoop your lady love back again under your wing. You'd fly her away through the sky. You wouldn't just lie there and take it, like a girl."

* * *

Emma stands in her room, looking into the mirror. She clenches her jaw, running her hands through her long blonde locks and pulling them back. Tighter and tighter. She steps closer to the mirror, staring at her reflection. She grabs the mirror, taking a step back and studying herself.

"AHH!" she yells, pushing it into the wall and shattering it, throwing the frame to the ground she steps away.

Mary runs up the stairs when she hears something break, rushing into the room she finds Emma looking at Regina's bed.

"Emma?" she questions timidly.

Emma spins around, "Pick up a shard."

Mary look wide eyed to the broken mirror.

"I said," Emma growls, "pick up a shard," her voice broke at shard.

Mary looks wide eyed at Emma, but does as she is told.

Emma hold out a hand, taking the shard. With it she cuts into Mary's palm, causing her to bleed, then does the same to her own. She then puts their hands together, causing their blood to mix.

"Our blood runs together right? Blood of the raptor. Now cut off my hair."

She spins on her heel, sitting down in a chair.

"What for?" Mary questions.

"I'm going to war," Emma states.

Mary looks at Emma, "I've got nothing to lose now," she says.

"Emma this is crazy!"

"Come on!" Emma orders, grabbing a shard and putting it in Mary's hand, holding it to her hair.

Mary bites her lip, "Emma is this for Regina?"

"Just! Cut! Off! My! Hair!"

Mary looks down at the shard in her hand.

"Look she wants a guy, not a girl with hacked hair," Mary says.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!" Emma screams, grabbing Mary's arms and throwing her to the ground.

Emma tenses up, holding her stomach and shrinking into the doorway as Mary stands up. Both of their mouths open at what just happened.

"I-I… I'm sorry," Emma whispers, her body closing in on itself.

"I'm sorry okay?" Emma whispers so softly it's hard for Mary to hear, "I just, I just gotta get her back."

Emma grabs at her shirt, rubbing the palms of her hands into it.

Mary takes a deep breath, tears running down her face, "Emma, listen to me. Regina is not a lesbian so you should just forget about her okay?"

"Lesbian?" Emma whispers, her body shoulders dropping.

"Lesbian? Are you fucking joking? You think I'm lesbian?" Emma yells.

Mary looks down, questioning, "you're a girl in love with a girl aren't you?"

"No," Emma sobs.

"I'm EMMA in love with REGINA!" she yells, "Remember?" she whispers.

"And Regina is, SHE IS in love with me because she is mine and I am hers."

Emma walks to the other side of the room, throwing her own stuff around, "And NEITHER of us are FUCKING LESBIANS!" she throws herself into the chair, breaking down in tears.

Mary bites her lip, watching Emma take a deep breath, calming herself.

* * *

Regina sits in the library, studying by herself. She hears footsteps, footsteps that should be fencing right now. She looks over her shoulder and gasps.

There stands Emma, fully dressed for fencing and complete with a sword.

All eyes go to the young blonde as she walks into the library, then knees, facing Regina. Regina watches, brown eyes wide and mouth gaping at the blonde.

"I will make me a willow cabin at your gate and call upon my soul within the house," Emma stands, stepping onto the table which Regina is using.

"I will Write loyal cantons of contemned love And sing them loud even in the dead of night I will Halloo your name to the reverberate hills And make the babbling gossip of the air Cry out 'Regina'."

Miss Smith walks up, "Emma."

"Why don't you come down?" she questions, reaching out to the young blonde.

Emma flinches away, touching her sword as a warning.

"Don't ever touch a raptor," Emma states.

"Please," Miss Smith pleads.

Emma jumps from the table she stands on to the next, walking on top of them then out of the room, leaving everybody talking about her.

* * *

Emma put everything into her fencing that night. She ignores the teachers watching her.

"I should've seen it coming," Miss Yang says.

"I saw it coming. I told you it was coming. It's still coming," Miss Smith says, biting her thumb.

Emma looks out the window of the small fencing room to see Regina walking with Robin. Emma grits her teeth, throwing off her head mask and attacking her opponent. She disarms her opponent quickly, putting the sword to her neck, then kicking them in the side and making them fall. She then throws down both swords, leaving the room.

* * *

Mary and Regina lay asleep, Emma stands at the window. Emma looks at Regina, pulling her covers back and straddling her hips. Regina groans, stretching.

"I bet he doesn't know how to do what I can do for you," Emma whispers as brown eyes snap open.

"Emma please," Regina groans, lightly pushing at the blonde.

Emma's hand cups Regina, pulling her underwear away. Regina's body acts on it's own, arching up to the touch, Regina's head falling back. Emma gently kisses the exposed neck. Regina moans, her body responding to Emma's touch quickly. Mary turns in her bed, having woke up to moans she had grown used to not hearing. Their lips connect for a kiss and with one last shudder Regina's body tenses. Emma rolls to the side, looking at Regina.

"No! Emma," Regina sits up.

Mary bites her lip, turning back to the wall.

"There will be no more of this okay?" Regina whispers.

Emma sits up next to Regina, "I love Robin." she states, standing up.

Emma's small squeak stops her from rushing out of the room. She turns around, kneeling at the foot of her bed, her face only inches from Emma's.

"Emma, listen to me okay because I'm going to say this once and never **ever** again," Regina whispers.

Brown eyes take in Emma's, a shade of blue instead of green because of the moon light.

She reaches up, cupping the side of Emma's face.

"I will never love anybody the way that I love you, okay? _**Never**_."

Emma has tears running down her face.

"You know that, and I know that, and I will _die _ knowing that, okay? But it just can never, it just can never, ever, forever be. Do you understand?" Regina questions, brown orbs jumping from blue to pink lips.

Emma's breathing is labored, loud in both of their minds.

"It just can never, **ever** **,** _forever _ be, Emma."

Regina leans in, connecting their lips. It's full of feeling, and Emma is drowning. Pale hands reach out, cupping the tanned face. Regina's other hand comes up, pulling their lips impossibly closer. Then Regina's hand leave Emma's face, and move to her forearms. A sob escapes Emma as she tries to hold on to Regina, putting her everything into the kiss. Regina stands and Emma follows, keeping their lips together. Regina steps back, breaking their kiss and Emma grabs onto her, holding onto a single finger. Regina has to pull her finger out of the blonde's grasp, leaving the room without a sound. Emma falls onto the bed, sobs escaping as she curls into a ball.


	8. Chapter 8

I walked into the dinning room alone that day, neither girl was there when I woke up so I went on with my day.

"Hey Mary!" Regina called me over to her table, "so what did you get on that geography test?" she questioned.

I don't recall what I said, or what the test was over. It was only about a minute before Emma interrupted us.

"Go ahead, laugh it's okay," Emma said loud enough for the whole room to hear, not yelling but loud.

"If you wanna laugh, laugh. What's so funny?"

I don't know what it was, maybe a spoon hitting the table, or maybe somebody's foot hitting the ground, but something thudded and she stood with the sound.

"I know it! I'm funny! Hahaha!" she started yelling.

"Emma that's enough," Miss Smith said.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Emma please!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she screamed, throwing a cart full of dishes down, almost hitting Miss Smith before walking out of the room.

* * *

"Your parents are very worried about you Emma. They say don't return their calls," Miss Yang says to Emma who sits in her office.

"I have no parents," Emma states, looking at the ground.

Miss Yang sighs, looking at the young girl.

"I had, what used to be called a nervous breakdown once, when I was a few years older than you are."

Emma sits back, her dull greyish eyes looking at the older woman.

"Someone got me help. And looking back Emma, I am very glad they did because if they hadn't, well I don't know it was. Like I was a car with no driver and uh-"

"Shall I abide in this dull world which in her absence is no better than a sty?"

* * *

I don't remember why I was running, but I was running across the grounds outside.

"Hey!" I stopped, turning towards Joe.

"How are you?" he questioned.

"Okay," I shrugged.

I looked at the ground, thinking, "Kinda weird really."

"What's going on?" he questioned.

"You ever know somebody who changed?" I asked.

"What kind of change?"

"Like total. From this, the clean spring, to the cold harsh winter."

He nodded, "Yeah."

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Grass comes back every spring green as ever," he said, "I guess people can too."

I looked down at the grass, "some people never come back though right?" I questioned.

I could tell that my voice gave away the tears in my eyes.

"Yeah some people," he agreed.

I swallowed back my tears.

"Listen why are you asking me all this?"

"I uh have to go," I lied, running away.

* * *

"You will not fall," Emma says to the raptor, lifting her arm and making it fly away.

She then holds out a mouse, calling the bird with two short whistles.

The bird jumps off the branch it landed on, then seems to remember it's hurt and going back on it.

"Yah! Yah!" Emma calls out, urging the raptor on.

This time it trusts its wings, and flies to the offered hand, helping itself to the mouse inside the closed fist.

Emma laughs at the bird, a huge smile on her face.

* * *

"Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts unsex me here; and fill me from the crown to the toe top full of direst cruelty!'" Miss Yang read from MacBeth.

"'Make thick my blood, stop up the access and passage to remorse that no compunctious visitings of nature shake my fell purpose. Come to my woman's breast and take my milk for gall, you murdering ministers wherever in your sightless substances you wait on nature's mischief!'" I watched as Emma's lips moved, silently reading each word to herself, completely immersed in the play.

"'Come, thick night, and pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell, that my keen knife see not the wound it makes nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark to cry: 'Hold, hold!' Hmmm?" Miss Yang hummed, drawing the class to her.

"Now, does anyone know what our friend Lady M is on about huh? Ruby?"

Ruby jumped, not paying any attention as always.

"Uh, vampires?" she questioned.

I was the only person who caught Emma's eye roll as the rest of the class chuckled.

"Well I've never heard that interpretation before, oh but that doesn't make it invalid Ruby. Tell us more."

"Well just, all the blood," Ruby explained, earning another round of laughter and another eye roll.

"Okay thinking about our lunch were we Ruby? Huh again? Emma? How about you? Emma, you looked like you were involved with the piece." Miss Yang stated.

"Actually, I was just thinking about whether the Jays are gonna take the World Series again," Emma lied with a grin.

"I don't believe you Emma. I saw you listening," Miss Yang said.

"You can go fuck yourself sideways."

Emma got up and calmly left the room.

Miss Yang sighed, watching us react to the blonde.

"Emma is going through a difficult time huh," she stated, "now, shall I offer up my interpretation?"

"I think that Lady MacBeth-"

"She wants to get up the guts," I interrupted.

"Yes Mary," she motioned for me to continue.

"To do what she has to do. Only, the girl part of her doesn't have the guts, so she says 'turn my milk to gall'. I think gall is poison, but then, what would happen to the baby? The baby would die, and she want's not to care about that. She wants not to care, to be like a guy, like a man. Men don't care, you see?"

* * *

"Hey, I really liked what you said about that scary speech," Regina said as we walked down the stairs.

"You did?" I questioned, surprised.

"Yeah I wish I could be unsexed or whatever. It all just causes too much trouble," she stopped, her smile fading as she look ahead, "I'll see you later 'kay?"

I nodded, going to my mailbox. I opened it, not surprised to find nothing. Then Emma came up to me, a letter in her hands.

"Read it," she asks with a smile.

I took it, reading to front, "Out loud?"

"Yeah, right now," she was giddy as a child on Christmas.

I quickly opened the letter, reading it out loud to my friend.

"Dear Miss Swan. After much difficulty we have located your birth mother," I looked up and loved the huge smile I was getting from the blonde, looking back down I read more, "But we are sorry to inform you that she does not wish to be contacted by you at this time…" I stopped reading out loud, then looked up at her again.

The pained look hurt my heart then, and it still does to this day.

"Do you want me to keep reading?" I questioned stupidly.

Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened, then closed.

She shook her head, grabbing the letter from me and taking a few steps away.

"I'm sorry Emma," I said, touching her shoulder.

"No. She has a life. She has a right to fucking life _Snow_."

She punched the bulletin board, leaving a hole in it as she walked away.

* * *

Emma runs out of the school building, holding her letter and letting her feet guide themselves.

"Uff," she groans, running right into Miss Yang and sending her papers soaring.

Emma stops, picking up a few papers to give to the teacher.

"Uh, you should've gotten out of my way ma'am," Emma says quietly.

"I have been looking everywhere for you," Miss Yang says, gathering her things.

"I'm sorry I said 'go fuck yourself' in class there, that was, it was way out of line," Emma says, standing.

"You can give me a detention, hell give me two," Emma hands the papers to Miss Yang.

Emma was so focused on the papers she missed the way Miss Yang was looking at her, full of fear.

"I know somebody Emma. A friend of mine who could really help you," Miss Yang says, her dark eyes pleading with jade.

"Help me what?" Emma spits.

"Help you deal," Miss Yang says, reaching out.

Emma back away from the touch, "I think only people who lie to themselves need help, _Cristina_ , don't you?"

"Believe me please, I know what you're going through," she pleads.

"No you don't."

"Love can be a very painful experience, I know," she nods.

"You **don't** know _anything_ ," Emma growls, stepping closer to the old woman.

"Yes Emma, I think I know," she sighs.

The hate leaves Emma's eyes, her features softening, she looks down, then her eyes catch Regina. She nods.

"She's the only person who ever loved me you know? I think I'll die without her," Emma says, walking away.


	9. Chapter 9

Emma runs over to the neighboring school, the all boys school next to their all girl school.

"Hey kid, you know Robin, the senior?" Emma questions.

"Yeah I know him," the boy says.

"Alright, give this to him or I'll kick your ass."

_I wouldn't even know about that letter for years. It read 'Robin, you butthole. Meet me Saturday at noon, dark noon for you, East Side Revine. Dual to the death for the heart of my Queen Regina, yours truly, Emma the raptor._

* * *

"No, the dinner's at six, the tour's at four."

"Well okay, as long as you're here for dinner I guess. I don't want to be the only girl eating alone."

"I dunno, chicken, lobster, it's a buffet."

"Okay so I'll see you on Friday, six o'clock sharp."

"Oh yeah, I'm fine just… Maybe I'll tell you when I see you."

"Okay, yeah. Love you, bye."

I smiled to myself as I hung up the phone, happy I was about to see my father again for the first time in months.

* * *

Robin, David and Peter sit on the bleachers, reading the letter from Emma.

"She's fucking fried man," Robin laughs.

"I think she sounds really unstable, I don't think it's such a good idea," David says.

"She's making Regina's life hell," Robin argues.

"Why doesn't Regina just cut her off?" David questions.

"She's too nice. It's just who she is."

"Come on man, do it for Regina," Peter says, "do it for your woman."

"Shit why not? A dual sounds like fun," Robin grins.

* * *

Eyelids are brushed, coating in power. Nails receive paint and lashes become curved as girls prepare for dinner with their parents.

I sat with Regina and her father, next to an empty spot where mine should be.

"He's never been on time for anything in his life," I said, which was true, but then again he almost never shows up to anything either.

"Oh he could be caught in traffic, it's rather bad coming up here at this time of day," her father, Henry lied.

"Yeah for sure," Regina nodded.

Regina looked beautiful with her long hair pulled up into a fancy bun, out of her face, and her cheekbones popping out. I decided I'd watch her instead of think about my father.

That of course only lasted a few minutes before Henry thought it was time to dance with his daughter, excusing them they left me alone at the table. I took off towards the parking lot, hoping I'd see him pulling in late as always. But there was nothing, nobody, just a bunch of empty cars whose owners were with their daughters.

* * *

Regina and her father dance effortlessly, gliding over the floor of the gazebo as they spin and twirl.

Emma walks through the dance floor, her eyes only on Regina. Everybody stops to look at the blonde, her hair slicked back and in a men's suit. She stops right before Regina and Henry, both obvious to the girl.

It takes about a minute, but Henry sees the blonde and stops dancing, causing Regina to also look at the girl.

Emma snaps into motion, standing besides the swaying couple.

"Good evening Regina," her jade eyes lock with brown before turning to the man, "Hello Henry."

"Good evening," he replies sharply, questioning eyes landing on his daughter.

"Henry I was wondering if I might cut in?"

Warm chocolate eyes take in the girl, before moving to cold chocolate ones.

"This is a joke, right Regina?" he questions.

"Joke?" Emma spits, then takes a deep breath.

"I'm asking you nicely. Can I dance with your daughter please?"

The man stops swaying, looking back and forth from the girls.

"I'm afraid I don't think that's appropriate, and I don't think Regina does either so-"

The man is cut off my Emma pushing him out of the way and taking his spot in the dance. Chocolate eyes go wide as her body starts dancing with her new partner.

"Are you crazy?" Regina questions.

Chocolate eyes betray their owner and go to pink lips.

"What you don't like dancing? You used to love to dance with me on the roof, remember?"

Regina looks down, tries to look anywhere but those pink lips.

"Emma please," she pleads, chocolate eyes connecting with bright blue ones.

"What?" Emma plays dumb.

"Don't make this difficult!"

"You love me Regina."

"Like a friend!"

Emma stops dancing, "As a lover," she whispers, "Say it."

Regina looks down, her hand uncurling from its spot on Emma's jacket.

"What do you want?" she whispers.

"I'm in love with you Emma, _you say it_! Or I'll stop this dance right **now**!" she yells.

"Emma _please_!" Regina begs, " _please_."

"Then **SAY IT**!" she yells, then her face falls, " _say it_ " she whimpers.

Regina looks down at pink lips, then she looks around them, finding her father watching. She steps away.

"No. You tell anybody whatever you want," she says, walking to her father.

Emma stands, watching Regina leave with her father. With a man.

She sighs, swallowing to hold back the tears. Then her breathing gets hard, she's choking in a room full of air, her hand runs through her golden locks, pulling at the end of them.

"Emma! Emma, here dance with me," Miss Yang orders, coming up to Emma.

Emma lets out a sob as she spins the old woman around, running away from the gazebo with a scream.


	10. Chapter 10

I walked alone, away from the gazebo with tear in my eyes. My dad didn't come, I didn't understand why not.

"Mary Brave," Emma called, "Let's go," she ordered, leading me towards the forest.

I didn't question her, I followed, running behind her.

_Have you ever been really thirsty and you open a carton of milk and you pour it into your mouth and it's sour? Well that happened. Inside of me, forever._

I don't recall if we were talking or not before she yelled out "Yah! Yah!"

After she did I heard the raptor squawking in answer. She held up her fist, and cried out.

"Yah! Yah!"

The bird landed right on her arm.

"He can fly! Hey! You taught him to fly!" I said with a smile.

"He's going to show is the way Mary B."

"The way?"

"Snow where is your father? Did I see you cry? Did you cry like a girl? Like a girly, girly girl?" I nodded and she walked away.

"I've been crying, too, Mary B. I've been crying like a girly girl, sucky suck for weeks now! And it's time, it's time for the raptor. Are you with me? I hate my father! Say it, it's easy come on... I HATE MY FATHER!"

I took a deep breath before I whispered, "I hate my father."

"Yeah," her smile grew huge, "give me more."

"I wish he were dead. I hate him," I grew more angry, and louder, "I hate my stupid fucking asshole FUCKING FATHER! I HATE HIM!"

"UNSEX ME HERE, TAKE MY MILK FOR GALL! FILL ME FROM CROWN TO TOE TOP FULL OF DIREST CRUELTY! Come on, say that! Say it to the raptor, come on!" she yelled at me.

"Unsex," I said, earning a nod from her.

"Unsex me here, take my milk for gall," I paused, forgetting the rest.

"Make **thick my blood**."

"Make thick my blood," I repeated.

She took off her glove, "feed the raptor."

"I can't."

"Oh yes you can."

I sighed and took the offered glove, putting it on.

"Fill me from crown to toe top full of direst cruelty," she held out a mouse, "come on say that and feed the beast."

I looked back at her, seeing her but not seeing her as I took the mouse, holding it for it's death.

"Fill me full from crown to to toe top full of direst cruelty," I mumbled, messing up the lines but getting the same effect as I held out my hand.

The raptor landed on my hand, eating the mouse in my grasp.

"Are you ready Mary B? You ready for dark noon?"

I took a deep breath, preparing myself, "I'm ready."

"Are you ready for anything?" she questioned.

I nodded, looking into her dark green eyes.

"Rage more," she whispered, "come on."

We went into the school, the part you only come into from the parking lot. She looked at the swords above the school's name. I watched as she grabbed the fire extinguisher and broke the glass around the swords. She pulled them out, placing a kiss on one of them.

* * *

We ran, screaming to ourselves, towards the East Side Revine. We ran side by side, together.

We came to the clearing. Emma put on her sweatshirt.

"Yah!" she yelled, putting out her arm for the raptor to land on.

Sure enough it came, landing right on her arm.

"We're ready," she said to me.

"What the fuck is that?"

Robin and his mates came out of the forest.

"It's her pet," Robin laughed.

"It's not a pet," Emma stated.

"Oh no?"

"It's a killer," she growled.

They laughed, Robin walking closer to us.

"Well I can Emma, so what do you wanna do? You wanna fight me? You and your bird? I've gotta warn you I'm on the wrestling team," Robin said.

His mates laugh at that. Emma's cold hard glare stops his chuckling as she throws him one of the swords.

"Oh I get it. Like a stage fight? I played in the Hamlet last year so I can do this, I can have fun doing this," he chuckled.

I almost laughed seeing his lanky form in comparison to Emma's. He was the first to strike, Emma easily deflecting all his blows, before getting him in one and kicking his hand. She nearly sliced him, but he was quick enough to run out of the way.

"Place your bets my friends," he grinned.

"For my love," Emma stated, cutting through the wind with her swords.

"If you're talking about Regina, twit, get real. She **hates** you. She's just too nice to tell you," he said, backing away from Emma.

"She loves me."

"Stop talking shit Emma. That's my girlfriend," Robins growled, stepping closer to Emma.

Emma raised her sword, making him back off. I watched her unleash a fury of attack on him. He dodged them all, but Emma kicked her leg back and made him fall.

"Give her up!" Emma yelled, her sword pointing at him.

"Say it! Say I GIVE HER UP!" Emma yelled, the tip of her sword going down his body.

"Go fuck yourself!" he spat.

I watched in horror as Emma thrust the sword forward, cutting into his skin, earning a scream from him.

"Emma! EMMA! EMMA!" I screamed, pulling her away from him.

I can still see the vacant look on her face, something that will never leave me.

"What are you doing? Emma? What are you doing?" I questioned.

She looked right through me, falling into a run. She ran away.

"Fucking bitch!"

"She's fucking crazy!"

"I'm going to kill her!"

I ignored the boys, running to where I knew Emma would be going, to Regina.


	11. Lost in the dark. Forever.

Regina grunts, kicking the ball to her teammate. She give a smile of apology to Ruby, who was blocking her.

Mary's screams stop Regina first, the game still going on as she takes in her friend. She knows that is means by the time everybody else turns to see her, tears running down her face and running as fast as she can towards the field.

Miss Yang and Miss Smith get up from their spot in the grass, looking at Mary.

Mary runs right up to Regina, who is only looking at her.

"Where's Emma?" Regina questions, eyes wide.

The squawk of the raptor makes Mary turn her head, following the bird.

Everybody gasps as they see Emma.

She's standing on the roof, the raptor on her arm. Her blonde hair flows freely.

"Emma," Regina sobs, already falling to her knees.

"Emma, please," Mary whispers, watching in awe.

"I will make me a willow cabin at your gate. And call upon my soul within the house," she calls out, looking down at Regina.

Tears run down Regina's face, none come off of Emma's.

"I rush into the secret house," Emma whispered, stretching her arms out and falling forward.

"EMMA!" Regina screams bloody murder, but it's too late.

* * *

For some reason that I can't explain not a single person watched her as she fell to her death. Every single eye went to the raptor. It flew to the forest, taking all out attention with it.

_Dear my mother, I almost got lost too, didn't I? But the pure love you gave me 'til you died was like a flame always there, burning. And just like the raptor, that little flame was all I needed in order to see in the dark. It saved me, Momma, from that deep dark. Emma, she didn't have that. The darkness took over her so she had to fly away. I still dream of her every night. And I think I always will. And you know, I can always remember your face now. Any time I think of you I look up and I can see your face. My mother's face. Like a flame across the sky._

**Author's Note:**

> I spent hours watch the movie Lost and Delirious while writing down every scene, changing things here and there to make it SQ. I do not take credit for this storyline, only for the hours upon hours I spent making this a fanfiction instead.  
> So, go watch the movie if you dare! It’s great! Thank you for reading! Please leave your thoughts below! I love love! I hope I didn’t break your heart too much! I’m sorry! Love you!


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